"Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others." (Phil. 2:3-4)
As I look at the world around me, I am constantly amazed at what the world calls a "friendship". Most friendships today are fickle, self-centered, fake, and emotional roller coasters. Many Christian friendships I know are unfortunately the same way. They are almost worse because they call their friendship "Godly" yet it is no different than the world; they are hypocrites. I believe that a majority of people today, Christian or not, do not understand what true friendship is. True friendship is modeled after Christ and putting the other person first.
As the verse above indicates, we are to be selfless and focused on the interests of others. "...it is a daily disposition, a constant commitment to purposefully put the other person's needs above your own. When that is our attitude toward our friends, instead of thinking about what we can get out of the friendship, we begin to ask, 'How can I die to my own agenda for this friendship and be Jesus to her?'" Tell me, how many friendships do you see that revolve around THAT mindset? I must admit, I have never seen a friendship like that, not in my life, not in the life of anybody else. Sending little notes of encouragement her, paying for her coffee, surprising her with a memorable gift are all very nice things to do, but it goes beyond that.
Friendships today are often not truly governed by Christ-like selflessness and because of this there is constantly misunderstanding, moodiness, emotional pain, and drama. Honestly, who really wants that? Yet we all seem to accept it like normalcy and do nothing differently. So, should we not show our feelings and emotions in our friendship? Should we keep it emotion free? Not at all. "...one of the sweetest aspects of a Christ-built friendship is having a shoulder to cry on and someone who will point you to Jesus in both sorrows and struggles." That is the key. Our friendships should not just consist of us running to each other with every single thing that has us upset, filling her ears with our complaints, giving worldly advice, and plotting what should be done about it. It is about us being a friend who points her to Jesus, both in the good times and the bad times.You know what that means though? We as individuals have to be controlled by and looking to Jesus, both in the good times and the bad times. "When two people are controlled and sustained by Christ individually, and then allow that to carry over into the friendship, the natural outflow is a relationship in which emotion, when it is present, only serves to edify and unify."
We all get on each others nerves at some point. It is bound to happen, we are all human. There is really nothing we can do to stop it, but we can decide how to react to it. When your feelings are hurt by your closest friend, when she takes everything you say the wrong way, when she is selfish, what should your reaction be? Would you lash out and try to get even? Would you give her the silent treatment? Would you cry and put on a big show? Would you gossip about what she did to you? Or would you show her kindness, grace, love, and forgiveness? "The more God shows us our own lack, the more we realize that building a Christ-honoring friendship requires giving the other person as much grace for their mistakes as we want them to give us. (Col 3:12b-13a)" Our reactions as Christians should be totally opposite to how the world would react. We are to follow God's pattern of humbleness and forgiveness. Instead of focusing on your friend's shortcomings, you should really try to see what God is doing in their life, how God is working in their heart.
How are your friendships? Are they Christ-honoring and Christ-centered? Are you being a Godly and selfless friend? If not, are you willing to be? Perhaps you are willing to be, but none of your friends are want to change. "If any of our close friendships are not pressing us on into a deeper spiritual life and shaping us into selfless, others-focused friends, it may be time for us to ask God what practical things we could do to change them so that He, and not the joy of a kindred spirit, is the prize." It is not going to be easy, but it will most definitely be worth it. It may not happen right away, but God will bless you for your perseverance and your want to change and be more like Him, even in your friendships.
"A friendship that purposefully makes Him the center and draws both people closer to Him will become a beautiful testimony of patient graciousness, humble servitude, and selfless love- spurring others on toward that same, single-hearted pursuit."
Great thoughts! I love you, friend. ;)
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